Winter Warmer...

You know, what I like best of all in a fella is a beautiful smile. And if he has the kind of huge grin that splits his face in two, makes long deep creases around his mouth, puts sparkles in his eyes and lights up the room… well I’m lost forever (and yes, I am talking about you. You know who you are).

And therefore am in mourning for the divine Heath Ledger. God I’ve had a crush on that bloke for ten years or something ridiculous. Ever since that silly teen flick “ten things I hate about you”. Wore black trousers today in his honour. Was in the bar and then at Fire and Stone in Covent G with Ames and Andy last night and then came home to smoke spliff and gossip hugely with OtherJames before passing out in small shivering huddle in my for some reason inadequately warm bed so missed the news last night. The last thing I wanted to do was to hear such terrible news from sodding Alex Zane, the man who couldn’t DJ if his life depended on it, on XFM at 7 this morning on top of a smidgeon of hangover. Poor sod. 28 years old. Two less than me. Same as my sis. And even if he’s packed more exciting experiences into those 28 years than most people manage in 70, to die before you’ve had a chance to grow up and older and wiser… what a fucking tragedy. And if you have one of those knee-weakening smiles on top of that… well then it just breaks my heart.

Exhausting bugger of a day. Our lovely HR consultant was in with me for our weekly stint of boggling our way through the tortuous mess of policies and procedures (the aim being to get through the maze without jumping out of the 4th floor window. So far, so good. Although this may be because the window is welded shut) and by 6 o’clock my brain had packed up and gone to Bognor for a long weekend. Pulled on my attractive sky-blue trainers (am joking here. Horrors. But air-filled spongy soles avoid the terrifying backache, of whose return I live in utter, cringing, abject fear, so they could be purple with orange spots and I wouldn’t bat an eyelid) and sped (ok, tottered) out of 5CL up to Angel to collect Ames from a similar pisser of a day. Couple of coronas in the Angelic (love that bar. Think I might have my leaving party there on 5 April – date for your diaries boys and girls) and a prolonged gossip about the events of last night (if you weren’t there I’m not telling you) and it’s time to jump on the number 4 and GO HOME!!

Was reading in the metro, or the London Lite, or whichever piece of trash paper was lying on the bus seat when we got on (worth mentioning that didn’t see Amy sodding Winehouse anywhere!!!! Miracle!!!! Jesus am tired of watching that silly girl kill herself by inches in front of the entire British press. What’s wrong with going insane in private these days?) that eastern European restaurants are all the rage in town at the moment. Er…did I miss something? There are certainly a few… but the reviews lack the zizz that would make me want to pootle along… and more importantly drag some other poor sod along.

HOWEVER, it made me think… when Longlegs and I were in Budapest a few years back (god that was the worst weather ever. Snow, sleet, rain, gale force winds… in turn. Every day. Mind you if you go to Hungary in the middle of February what do you expect I guess?) We did find a totally awesome bar. Boshed if I can remember the name of the place but it was on lots of staggered levels with lots of low lighting and beautiful silk cushions and squashy dark leather sofas… anyway we ordered a couple of bowls of goulash, and it arrived, steaming hot in huge bowls with puddles of oil glistening tantalisingly on its surface, with fresh baked bread just begging to be ripped up and dipped in. The vegetables were cooked to perfection – soft without disintegrating, the beef so tender it melted in your mouth. The spices made your tongue tingle and you felt the stew warm you right down to your toes. Suddenly the weather wasn’t so ghastly. As long as you could stay right here and eat this divine food and never go outside again.

Anyway, the day after we got home I found the taste was burnt deep in my mind and immediately set to to recreate it and share this pleasure with my papa (think my mama must have been in sri lanka at the time and he was living on omelettes and chips. This is what fathers live on in my experience if you don’t supervise them). And damn me if I didn’t get it bang on first go :-) Made enough to feed the 5,000 and froze a zillion portions of it to feed him for a few more days. He’s still talking about it. Thank god I wrote down in my leather book what had done last time… made it again last weekend at my folks’ place on an Armageddon-sized (thank you T, nice image) hangover post Veronika’s birthday bash (Christ. Never again. Oh, ok then. Next week) and I thought that it’s worth writing down for posterity… ladies, gentlemen. Try this. You will not be disappointed…

MAGIC GOULASH

Serves… 6-8 (or more depending on greediness of your guests and the size of your pan). Ingredient amounts are a bit random. A bit more or less won’t mess with the basic taste as long as you’ve got the spices right… it’s more about how many peeps you want to feed and what flavours you like most.

==> Olive oil
==> 2 packets smoky bacon, chopped up
==> 1-1.5kg chuck steak, cubed to maybe 1 or 1.5cm max (a word here… careful on the quality as unless you have a pressure cooker you may have to simmer this stuff for like 3 or 4 hours to get it to melting consistency… worth paying a bit more perhaps if time is short and you don’t like things that go hissssssss on your hob. For the record I got my mama to do this bit. Am a bit afraid of pressure cookers)
==> 3 or 4 onions, finely chopped (please tell me if you know of a way to stop crying when I cut onions. It’s driving mad and costing me a fortune in mascara)
==> 4 good size garlic cloves, pressed (garlic is really up to you. If I thought I could get away with it I’d use an entire bulb of the stuff, but have to recognise that some of my guests may wish to talk, eat, kiss someone, open their mouth or breathe the next day)
==> 2 heaped tsp caraway seeds (if you have these in your cupboard already please tell me what you’ve been using them for. Am v curious as have only ever used them in this)
==> 3 tbsp hot paprika (if you’re a total wimp then go for normal stuff but then, if you’re a wimp go and eat a toffee yoghurt. This is not for you)
==> 1-2 tbsp flour
==> Splash of red wine vinegar
==> 2 or 3 tbsp good tomato puree
==> Good beef stock (buy it if you must) and a stock cube with enough water to make a soup
==> Salt and P
==> Lots of potatoes, cubed to about 1.5cm
==> Lots of carrots, also cubed to about 1.5cm. I love the spuds and carrots in goulash. However many I put in it’s never enough. They take on all the flavour and are like small pieces of paradise, esp the carrots. Trust me and put in another couple!


Ok, here’s what to do…

In the biggest deepest pan you have fry up the bacon pieces in olive oil over a medium heat until quite crisp (I don’t mean burnt here btw). Transfer to a bowl or plate or whatever with a slotted spoon. Don’t eat the bacon, even if it’s telling you you haven’t eaten since last summer and you need it.

In the remaining fat/oil brown the beef in smallish batches over a high heat. Transfer to bowl too.

Reduce heat back down to medium and add more oil.

Fry up onions and garlic and cook til golden and you’re swooning from the wafts of heavenly scent.

Stir in paprika and caraway seeds and flour. Cook, stirring, for about 2 minutes.

Stir in vinegar and puree. Cook, stirring, for a minute or so

Add stock, water, S&P and meat (you’ll just have to faff a bit to get the balance right) and bring to the boil, stirring. Reduce to simmer.

And here’s where the meat comes in. just depends whether you’ve got something the consistency of old boots or light as a feather. A rule of thumb I’d say is give it an hour or simmering and then see what the meat is doing. Maybe it’s perfect. Maybe you should simmer it a while longer, maybe you need to invite my mother round with her pressure cooker (NB one of the best things about these things is that veggies cook perfectly but don’t disintegrate)… it’s up to you.

Anyway, when you think the meat is heading in the right direction, add all the potatoes and carrots (don’t splash too much) and simmer until they’re done.

Season and serve in big bowls with hunks of fresh bread.

HEALTH AND SAFETY WARNING: this stuff keeps heat in like a furnace – don’t get burned!!!